Merman Making the Misplaced Effort to Match

Cassius Vuong / V Mag at UVA

The American Girl’s Girl’s Guide to Being Bullied

& my seismic sensation stirring–something alien 

in my chest, incoming curves & furtive, 

forbidden boyhood–

make me anticipate childhood

betrayal, bracing for a scorpion sting in the back.

Emma’s birthday invitation for November 21st

reads MisMatched Party but my BFF, 

no, ex-BFF, isn’t trustworthy anymore,

because she replaced me

with the girl from abroad, who is cooler than me

& taller than me & in Mrs. Skomra’s class, 

unlike me.

So much for forever! These instructions must be

a set-up, a situation made to embarrass me.

The day of her party, I dress all 

matchy-matched & arrive to see

the girl from abroad:

she wears knee-high socks of different colors

& she sports stripes and spots & a tutu

& every hue clashes & I say,

I completely forgot, I’m so sorry.

I stand out. The one 

who couldn’t even follow directions.

Next August, the three of us

at the pool: they swim off together & insist

I not follow. Four-feet deep, I watch

as the make-believe mermaids

toss teasing glances my way

as they giggle behind propped-up palms.

They braid each other’s sun-streaked,

salt-soaked strands and do handstands, 

ankles tight together to look like tails. 

I sink myself to the gritty pool floor, 

press my palms into the jagged juts 

and squeeze shut my eyes.

I have already decided I do not believe

in the capital-G Christian God,

but I long for him to strike me down, here,

or at least let the sizzling sun scorch me,

or at least let the chlorine consume me,

pervade through my perverse skin 

& split me open.